I was certain of one thing in all of this, I was not supposed to be the voice of reason. I wasn’t even supposed to be a voice, just a nice little speck in the background that occasionally caused catastrophic problems for the group. Not the one they listened to.
“You all realize that by even considering my idea you’ve increased your chances of dying by like half right?” I was staring at them in a desperate attempt to not be focused on.
“Yet you are the only one that can do what might be necessary.” Alan countered.
I glared. “Right because me opening a portal to hell sounds like a rational well thought out sane plan, are you freakin kidding me?!” I was not a good thing to work with, I had no idea how or why my monster overlords gave me this power. Couldn’t have just been a farewell gift. A thanks so much for visiting hell here have a terrifying new power that we likely will exploit in the future. It wasn’t smart, heck it was probably a way to get us all killed. Yet here they were thinking it might not be the worst thing ever.
Only the apocalypse could make someone think that gates to untold hell dimensions would be a good idea.
“Allie come on,” eased Carlos, “think about it at least. You have this power you might as well see what it can do.”
I turned very violent thoughts towards him as I reminded myself not to stab him. “I don’t need to see what it can do Carlos. I know what it can do and I am not going back there. So stop pushing it.” I growled. Alan put a hand on my shoulder and I leaned away from Carlos with one last curl of my lip.
“Easy Allie. Look we don’t know why they gave you the power but have you tried to use it to your advantage? We need every advantage we can get out here.” Alan didn’t know what he was asking me to do. He couldn’t have or he wouldn’t be asking. I had almost lost my mind using this gift to get out of that hell dimension. The power wanted to be used, I could feel it. Which was another reason to be skeptical, when other dimensional powers have sentience one starts to think it would be better left alone. Which was where I stood on this whole thing. But I knew they weren’t going to give up on it. But I could at least stall them for awhile. I dug around in my bag until I found the beat up journal filled with sticky notes, torn pages and water marks.
“Here.” I shoved it in Alan’s hands before walking away. If they wanted an advantage that was better than what anyone else still on this rock had I was certain of it.
It would take them a bit to realize what they had in front of them and then it would be many hours of reading and dissecting the new information. I took the time to regroup. I pulled out a battered paperback that was missing the cover and was covered in grime but as soon as I touched it I could feel my pulse calming.
I sat against a tree and let each page calm me and remind me that I did have some control. After the first chapter, of which I knew most every word by heart, I was safe to approach once again. Which turned out well as Nate sank down next to me at that moment.
“So…..you seem to have learned a lot.” I snorted. He smiled. “Look I can’t imagine half of what you saw -” I cut him off.
“I really don’t want to talk about it Nate. Just tell me if Carlos and Alan are going to push this again.”
“They’ll behave, I promise.” I was skeptical and he saw it all over my face. He shrugged. “I may not be the leader that Alan is but I know how to shame people for misbehaving as well as any disappointed parent can.” That surprised a chuckle from me and I let him help me up.